Familiarity breeds contempt

  The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well

The generation gap is perhaps the one of the most vivid examples of how there is a polarization in views for people in close proximity.  The generation gap, is perhaps most obvious, amongst children and their parents and can encompass the whole gamut of daily living right from clothing, to leisure tastes and could include food preferences, study habits, career choices, friendships, keeping pets, choice of hobbies etc. While the parents insist that with their experience and foresight they can chalk out the pathway for their children, the kids often interpret this guidance and advice as overbearing intrusions into their lives. The children are invariably convinced that most ideas and views of the parents and elders are caught in a time wrap and are choices made based on minimizing career risk and maximizing security. Their objection is primarily that their individuality and aspirations are not considered and so is an imposition of parental expectations on juvenile dreams.

Similarly, both parents and children are guilty of selectively comparing other children and other parents and drawing the conclusion that while we at home are dysfunctional most times everyone else is normal. In the same way, be it at our social gatherings, our work place or classrooms we exhibit the tendency to compare and contrast others with ourselves. Invariably we end up seeing half truths, selective facts, surface polish and glitz & glitter in others and contrast it with our own limitations and imaginary demons. Obviously everyone else seems to be normal as compared to yourself.  The truth is that most times the other party is too far for us to make an informed judgment, often  we see things with the lens that we want to see it with and at every stage we move with the preconceived notion that we are abnormal while the others are normal.

Scratch the surface, then the gloss and polish in others would peel off quickly and perhaps then you will realize how much more better stuff you are made up of. What looked apparently normal and perfect now takes on a different hue of mismatched colors, confused mindsets, artificial bohemia and farcical appearance. That is when one realizes that closer home the differences are not so much; the polarization of views is actually individuality jockeying for spaces and the incongruence in action is symmetry of styles. Normalcy then is best appreciated when seen as controlled chaos like firecrackers that explode and yet dazzle the night.

Remember:  Admiration and familiarity are strangers.  George Sand

Try these:

1. If you are a parent write down 10 things that you appreciate in your child and your parents. Please write it down for each child and parent separately. The others can write 10 points they appreciate in their parents.  What are the qualities you wish your child / parent had? Can you work on a ways to help your child acquire those qualities without forcing them into it?
2. Choose and idol (preferably a well known personality). Write down his/ her name. Now write down all the reasons he/she is your idol. Now try to find out 5 things that people did not appreciate about your idol. Were you aware of these weaknesses in your idol? Now has your affection for your idol gone down?

Every person is a new door to a different world

Unless we have an exceptionally open mind, our perceptions would often influence our ability to accept people the way they are. Obviously when we get acquainted with a new person, the first impression we get, very often has a disproportionate bearing on how we interact with the person and the type of relationship we are likely to develop. While some people look very loud in their appearance and dress sense, others look too scholarly and reserved;  others look dumb and pretty while a few others have a plain jane look but have an intellectual air around them. The permutations and combinations are countless and that is the reason we forge friendships with some and wonder how some people ever have friends.

Irrespective of whether we form strong bonds with people or not, an interaction with a new person always opens the door to our heart and mind wide, to a wide variety of influences be it in the terms of culture, language, profession, religion, experiences etc. In effect, our interactions open the doors to a different world than the one we are used to or comfortable with. The new scenery may not be necessarily appealing but it is also possible that we get to see things that we never imagined. The beauty of life in its myriad splendors is revealed to us, through the our interactions with new people.

Sometimes, behind the gregarious bubbly and lively personality we discover a very lonely, sad and bitter person who seeks to be understood but limits themselves to superficial relationships. Others who seem hardened and tough reveal a childlike innocence when we get to know them better. There could be others with a petite demur, calm in temperament, cool as a cucumber but deep inside they are scheming, crooked and cunning. There will me many who are warm, full of life and genuine and yet we may not be comfortable with them simply because we envy them. Anyone new whom we meet will be different; do we make the effort to try to open the door to them and explore the world they can lead us to?

Remember: Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down

Try these:

1. The next time you go for a social event or party, make it a point to meet 3-5 new people (at least one of whom should be of the opposite sex) who you haven’t known before. The challenge is to know more about their family, hobby and dislikes. Also assess how you would rate the person on a friendship scale of 1 -10 with 10 being the person would be excellent to have as a friend.
2. Check the profile of your friends. How many of them come from a different religious, cultural, language background? Do you have any single parent, divorcee, widow/ widower, amongst your friends. Do you have friends who have an age gap of over 7 years or more between you and them? Do you have friends who are in completely different professions than your own like fashion photographers, journalists, animal activists, research scientists, professional musicians, an undertaker etc. Do you think you can befriend someone with such a background in the next 3 months?

Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you

There are many people who blame fate for their inability to realize their full potential. The gamut of fate could range from unfortunate hereditary, to plain bad luck in endeavors and could also involve the plea that they have involuntarily invoked the wrath of the gods for sins of past life. The sum and substance of their argument nay rationalization, is that fate has conspired against them for their lack of achievement.

It is true that the dice of fate could be loaded against you, but then that is true for every single one of us. Even the rich and the famous could wish for something better but for all the various variables that constitute fate. If you step back and objectively look at your achievements and visualize your future goals, it will dawn on you that quite often we are neither objective about the past nor realistic about the future. Worse still is our inability to clearly identify or define our future goals. If the goal itself is unclear how can you progress towards it?

If you want to define your future, no one else but you can do it. Beginning with identifying your goals, you must do a reality check about your aptitude and align you attitude to a winner’s mindset. Then, with a blue print of how you hope to map your way to your goal, proceed with confidence in your self and put in your best efforts. You will also soon recognize that you cannot achieve anything all by yourself so acknowledge and use the support you get along the way and after savoring the success when you attain the goal, chalk out higher goals.

Nothing puts the above quote in better light than that inspirational poem * Invictus by William E Henley. 

* click to read the poem

 Remember: The last two lines of the Poem Invictus by William E Henely ‘  

•                                   I am the master of my fate: 
•                                  I am the captain of my soul.

Try these     Take a pen and paper or if you prefer open a text file and start listing out your goals. One way to go about it is to list out all your passions and then regrouping them in to some logical order eg. Career, Sport, Social Service etc. Now work out the details of how you propose to achieve each goal. You can even classify them into immediate, short term (2-5 year time span) , long term goals. Put milestone and time frames for intermediate goals that will ensure that you are on track to achieve your major goals.

SMILE

See My Instant Life Energizer and I immediately realize that my SMILE not only transforms me but impacts every one around me too. A smile can set anything right! Beginning with my mood, it brightens the environment around, charges the people interacting with me with positive energy and paradoxically makes life in general a lot lighter too.

A SMILE comes free, can be given free and you receive it manifold absolutely free. A smile is the antidote for worry, the visible sign of happiness and the hidden reservoir of warmth and cheer. Nothing breaks the ice faster between strangers, than a warm smile. It not only improves the face value but it even touches the heart. A smile can melt hardened hearts, give hope to the despondent, cement friendships, be the instant peacemaker and the omnipresent lingering image of a Loved one!

Remember :

• Are you smiling in all your photographs- go check a few and ask yourself how come you were so happy at that moment. Many memories will come flooding back and you can again feel the smile on your face.
• Can you visualize the moments that felt heavenly when you got some smiles - it could have been  the smile from grand parents, parents or the smile from your favorite teacher in school or is it the smile from your spouse to be, when you both first met or the smile from your new born?
• Take up the challenge to smile daily at the most non descript people you meet – the cab driver, the lift man, the waiters in restaurants, ticket vendor behind the counter, the beggars on the street corner etc.

Only Today is Ours - use it NOW

In four short simple lines quoted below Longfellow encompasses an undeniable reality that - Only Today is OURS
Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act -- act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Neither day dreams or reminisces of the past will help us realize our goals and harness our potential. It is ACTION alone that will result in tangible outcomes. Often we find ourselves, lapsing into the Good Ol' days mood, particularly when we are faced with obstacles and irritants that slow us down in the humdrum of life. Other times when we are more upbeat and excited we tend to visualize the future and paint in the most vibrant colors and almost tasting that illusionary success. The harsh reality however lies in between, TODAY.

While the past and the future have an important role in shaping our today through the hindsight of experience and the numerous possibilities of our imagination, it is work done Today that charts our course and helps us mark the milestones covered. When we are insecure and need guidance to ACT...Longfellow reminds us we must have a Strong Heart (self belief) and Immense Trust (in God) and take the plunge.

Action Points:

• Begin the practice of making a to-do today list.
• Start doing the least liked tasks first so that you are not stressed about it the whole day
• Try and review the day gone by and think of more efficient ways of doing some of the tasks.